She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
