And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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