I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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