That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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