The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
