Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
