I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
