Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
