he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the day after is always just damage control
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm too high and old for this...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
