this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
