I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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