apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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