dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
