i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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