Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
