if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
