i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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