I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
