barbara walters just said penis...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
