How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
