we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize