literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
