Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My cat gives me a boner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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