i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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