I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
