those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just google imaged poop.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
