Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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