You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
