So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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