I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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