Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
