I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
