Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
