Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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