Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
