One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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