her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
im on a boat
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