My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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