He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
