Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
