Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's always time for handjobs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
