I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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