the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
