YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
