i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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