I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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