How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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