george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
