Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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