is your mom at the bar?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
