sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
