Already got asked if we're dating
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
