You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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