I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
