How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
