My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
