Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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