hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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