I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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