I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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