Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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