Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
