I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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