Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize