i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
