Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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