Im at strip club and am horny
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
