Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
