i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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