I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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