i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
