I can tuck mytits in my pants
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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